


The Dot - Simonverse Stories

by all_the_ships_are_sailing



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Catholicism, Coming Out, M/M, Religion, Soulmates, Soulmates AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:20:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_ships_are_sailing/pseuds/all_the_ships_are_sailing
Summary: Chapter 1 is not actually a story, it's just the premise of the universe so you have the background knowledge to understand what's going on in the actual stories.I plan on writing most of the major couples from the books, movie, and TV series, but if there's a particular character or couple you'd like to see the story of, let me know in comments or on tumblr (/onlyherefortheshowmances) and I can try to prioritize the ones people are most interested in.Some chapters will be shorter or longer than others. If there's any of them that you particularly want to see continued as spin-offs, please let me know and I'll add them to my ever-growing list of things to write. Though some will end up having kind of continuations in the stories of other characters who are second-hand affected.
Relationships: Armando Salazar (Love Victor)/Isabel Salazar, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Emily Spier/Jack Spier, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Leah Burke/Abby Suso, Mia Brooks/Andrew Spencer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. The Premise

Everyone is born with a black circle on the inside of their right wrist. The circle slowly fills in as you age until your twelfth birthday when it becomes a completely black dot (only about 2 cm in diameter). From this point forward, if someone touches your dot with their bare skin, even accidentally, there’s a chance it could "open". They have to touch your dot, not just touch you and it can't be through fabric or anything; it must be skin to skin.

  * If your soulmate touches your dot, it opens completely back into a hollow circle with just a thin border. Soulmates are sometimes referred to as openers or simply your match.
  * There are people who you are also deeply compatible with but are not your true soulmate who can partially open your dot. If one of them touches your dot, the middle half or so of your dot clears, so you’re left with a very thick edged circle. These people are often referred to as seconds or partials. You can find more than one person in life that fits this category and sometimes it can be hard to figure out if you've already been partially opened before. 



Some people choose to cover their dots with band-aids at all times in order to prevent them from being accidentally touched. This is especially common among conservative religious sects; most notably the following: Catholicism, Anabaptist faiths, Mormonism, other conservative protestant branches, Hasidic Judaism, Islam (especially the sects that require hijab and more complete coverings), Orthodox Christianity, etc.

Specifically, Catholicism requires that as part of the pre-marital counseling you undergo with a priest, they have you touch each other’s dots and then help you deal with the results. It gives you a chance to walk away if you’re not soulmates or at least seconds, but most people who get to that point still choose to stay together regardless of the result. This tradition is also common in other conservative Christian faiths that require pre-martial counseling and most secular LMFT/marriage counselors offer this service (supervised testing and coping with the results). Some groups actually, require you to wait until you are married to test your dots with one another, and some require that the husband be the one to initiate the request for this to occur.

Most people (outside of those conservative religions) do not wear band-aids, but they also don’t active try to touch dots unless they’re genuinely interested in someone first. A common high school bully tactic is trying to touch someone’s dot and it’s considered highly frowned upon in most schools (especially private religious ones).


	2. Love, Victor - Victor Salazar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Assumes knowledge of the entirety of Love, Victor as backstory. Picks up in episode 7, “What Happens in Willacoochee” at about 26 minutes in or 4 minutes from the end.]
> 
> This will sort of bleed into Mia's story, so I won't be writing a spin-off at least until after I publish that. I also have a vague idea for Derek's story that I may include eventually, but it's not a top priority right now.

“I guess we should probably get some sleep,” Benji says and I nod a little.

“Can I ask you something first?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is Derek yours?”

“Huh?”

“Your match? Or a second? Or whatever?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Um, I never wore a band-aid before I met Derek.”

“Are you scare to let him touch it?”

“No. Um, Derek’s a bit of a weird person. I’ve actually asked him to… to touch it… to try… multiple times, but he won’t. He says the dots are heteronormative bullshit that he refuses to buy into. So, he won’t touch mine and he won’t let me… or anyone else anywhere near his.”

“That’s… really weird.”

“Yeah, but after a while, I just gave up and started wearing a band-aid, too, because I didn’t want him to have to worry about accidentally touching it or whatever and also, I guess, I didn’t want to risk someone else touching it and finding out that way that we aren’t, whatever. I actually asked him to again on our anniversary. That was the first time I’d asked in months, but he gave me the same story he always does.”

“Oh.”

“Why do you wear one?” he asks, nodding to my wrist. “I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“Oh, um,” I look down. “I’m Catholic. Technically.”

He nods a little. “Your mom makes you,” he surmises and I nod.

“Yeah. She’d kill me if I took this off before a priest told me to.”

“Mia wears one, too, doesn’t she?”

I nod. “I asked her why and she just said it was a personal decision, so I have no idea. Maybe she’s like Derek and thinks the whole thing’s bullshit. But when my mom saw it, it made her happy.” I laugh.

“Mia doesn’t seem the type to think soulmates are bullshit, but she does seem the type that wouldn’t wanna risk accidentally finding her match in the hallway.”

“True,” I say and I nod. I notice him picking at the band-aid on his wrist. “Allergic to your band-aid?”

“No. I, uh, I didn’t bring an extra, so I showered with this one on and now it’s like falling off, so I’m trying to get it to stay on.”

I should offer him one of the extras that I carry in my wallet, but I don’t. My mom doesn’t let me leave the house without at least a few. I can’t be caught dead without my dot covered. “That sucks,” I say.

He nods and shrugs. “Whatever. I’ll go buy a box tomorrow morning. I should have thought of that while we were out earlier. Did you have an extra?”

“I always keep one in my wallet, just in case I get wet or whatever.”

“That’s smart. I should do that.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Anyway. Weren’t we going to sleep?”

He laughs a little. “Yeah,” he says and then he scoots down in the bed and rolls to his side, facing away from me. He turns off the light and then whisper, “Goodnight.”

“Night,” I say, but I don’t move. I watch him. He’s still picking at his band-aid.

“Hey, um, this is weird, but would you hate me if I took this off until I can get another one tomorrow?” he asks, holding up his right hand. “It’s driving me nuts.”

“I don’t actually give a shit about the band-aids, so go right ahead.”

“Thanks,” he says and then he peels the band-aid off and folds it up. He sets it on the nightstand and I catch a glimpse of his fully black dot and it makes something in my chest and maybe my brain, too, go a little haywire.

It’s a few minutes later, and I’m not really sure what I’m thinking, or _if_ I’m thinking, but I reach out and touch Benji’s shoulder. He lifts his head and looks at me. “What’s up?” And I don’t know what expression is on my face, but whatever it is, must concern him because he sort of scrambles back into a seated position an has a concerned look on his face as he stares at me.

I don’t say anything, but I very slowly reach forward. “What are you…?” he says and then he realizes what I’m trying to do and he lets me. I don’t know if he lets it happen because he’s curious, too, or if it’s because he thinks I’m straight, or what, but he lets me.

He flips his right hand palm up on his knee and I run my right index finger over the little black dot on the inside of Benji’s right wrist. I swear it feels like my hand is on fire and he must feel it, too, because he stares. He stares at his own wrist and I stare at it, too. The color almost immediately begins to dissipate from his dot and within just a few seconds, he’s left with an open circle; just a thin line where the edges of his dot used to be and we both stare in silence for a long time.

“Victor… I.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“I don’t know why I let you,” he admits.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “You can just cover it up and pretend it never happened.”

“N-no, I can’t,” he says.

“I’m sorry. That’s, that’s literally why you wore a band-aid and you literally just told me that and I’m so sorry.”

I swear he almost laughs. “It is and it isn’t. I was scared. But I was scared of someone bumping my wrist. Someone I didn’t even know or worse someone that would never…” He exhales in a sigh as he struggles for words. “I mostly wore a band-aid because I’m gay,” he says and then he takes another deep breath and exhales noisily. “I was scared to… to find someone, only to have him… run away, I guess. I’ve heard about a lot of people that know they’re gay and don’t wanna be, so they wear band-aids because they don’t want anyone to know. I… there’re stories of gay men, lesbians, what-have-you that have found their soulmates and have still been too afraid to do anything about it and that’s what I was scared of. Especially living in Georgia; not exactly a progressive paradise.” He swallows hard and watches my face. “I’m sorry to put all of that on you.”

“No,” I say. “No, it… that’s half the reason I wear one, too. Aside from my mother literally murdering me if I were to take it off. I’m scared, or I guess, I was scared. Nothing left to be afraid of now.”

“That’s not true,” he says and I look at him. “There’s… there’s still the gay part.”

I nod. “Yeah. There’s definitely still that.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Well, first, I have to break up with Mia. I have to tell her the truth.” He nods and we’re both quiet as I fall into my own thoughts. Thinking of of all the ways this could go, of all the ways this could end. “This might sound stupid,” I say and he looks at me. “You don’t have to.” I swallow and bite my lip as I look at him. “Can…” I exhale. “Can you open mine, too?”

He looks at me. “I _can_.”

“Don’t go all English teacher on me right now.”

He chuckles. “I wasn’t going to, but that’s another valid point. Um, I was going to say, that I can. I will if you want me to, but aren’t you worried about your mom?”

I bite my lip and nod once. “She doesn’t have to know. I always wear a band-aid. I’ll still wear a band-aid, especially around her. It’s not like it gets bigger or anything. You can still hide it. Like you said, some point find theirs and don’t do anything about it because they’re afraid to come out or whatever. They just put a band-aid on and pretend it never happened.”

“So, if that’s what you’re going to do, why would you… why would you want me to…”

I sigh heavily. “That’s _not_ what I’m going to do, Benji. I mean… unless that’s what you want me to do and I guess we should talk about that, too. I was... I was thinking it would help Mia understand, if I could show her. I mean. I’m going to tell my parents. I have to. I’ve spent the past how many ever years doing anything I could to hide it and thanking whatever powers that be for my overly Catholic mother that makes sure I always have a band-aid.” I don’t know why I tell him the next part, but I do. “Speaking of which. I… I do have more band-aids… in my wallet. I always have a bunch. My mom makes me and my sister both carry multiple all the time. I... I should’ve just offered you one.”

He stares at me. “Oh.”

I take a deep breath. “And, while we’re talking about lies I’ve told you today. The machine _is_ done. That’s why Wally called me. I lied to you because I wanted to stay. I wanted to spend more time with you. I didn’t wanna go to Mia’s thing anymore. The more time I spent with you, it was like realizing who I actually am and that who I am is okay and I don’t have to try to be someone else. Um, I guess my brain sort of figured things out before I did that,” I say and I glance at his wrist again. “I’m sorry for doing that and for lying to you about the machine and for lying to you about the band-aids and for making both of our lives that much more complicated. I’m just… I’m really sorry. I’ve made a lot of really stupid decisions lately and a lot of them involved doing stupid shit to you and you don’t deserve that; at all.”

“Victor, I let you do it,” he says. “I could have stopped you and I didn’t. I… I also lied to you about multiple things.” I look him and wait for the explanation. He takes a deep breath. “Lie number one; you weren’t the only applicant for the job. You were just the one I wanted to hire and I knew you were nervous or whatever after what happened at the interview, so I lied and told you no one else applied, because I thought it would make you more likely to accept.” He watches my face, but I’m still just listening, trying to processing what he’s saying. “And then tonight, lie number two. Sarah never said anything about spending the night. She was just freaking out and told me to find out an ETA and yeah. She never said that. That was me.”

“Oh,” I say.

“Yeah, so don’t feel bad about your lie either. And there’s one more. Um, I also lied about when and why I started wearing a band-aid,” he says. “I’ve worn one since my twelfth birthday. My parents never understood why. They never wore them when they were kids and then they met in college and, here I am, I guess.” He sighs. “But I knew I was gay and I didn’t want to be. Drinking wasn’t the only thing I did. That was only when it got worse. I wore a band-aid because I didn’t want to be forced into coming out. I honestly, for a long time thought I was never going to come out. Then I got to high school and started hooking up with girls, because that was expected of me as Creekwood’s hottest guy.” I chuckle. “That stupid blog.”

“Seriously,” I agree and he chuckles and smiles at me.

“Um, but that’s when I started drinking and then I met Derek and he had his weird band-aid thing, but we started dating and then a couple months later the Wendy’s incident happened and that part of the story of the story was true. And after I came out to my parents is when I started asking Derek to try… but he never would, like I said.”

“Wow,” I say and he half-smiles. “I’m still sorry,” I say.

“I know. I am, too, though.”

“But you never answered the question, or I guess I never really asked it like a question. What do you want?”

He smiles at me for a minute and it’s like I can see his brain working, forming thoughts and sentences. “Um, look, I want this as much as you do, but I’ve been out for a while now and you… have you even said the words out loud? I’m gay?”

“No,” I admit. “But I’m going to.” He stares at me. “I am. I promise. I’m ready. And yeah, it’s mostly because of this, but honestly, even if that didn’t happen. If you still just had a dot on your wrist right now. I’d still want this. I’ve wanted this for a while now.”

He smiles. “Me, too, and I believe you. But I also have to break up with Derek.”

“Right,” I say and I look away from his face, but my eyes fall on his wrist. “Do you… do you want a band-aid?”

He chuckles and looks at it, too. “Maybe tomorrow. Let me just enjoy this tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” I say and I smile at him and he smiles back.

“I’m making you sleep on your earlier request though. That’s a really huge decision, Victor, and I don’t want to put you in that position unless you’re sure, okay?”

“Okay,” I say again. “I’m sure, but I’ll wait ‘til tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” he says. ”Um, we should probably actually sleep now.”

I almost laugh. “Yeah, yeah, we probably should. I, uh, have to drive for four hours in the morning. And we should get get up early so Sarah doesn’t murder us or whatever.”

He laughs. “Yeah. Goodnight, Victor. For real this time.”

“Good night, Benji.”

This time when Benji lays down and rolls away from me I still watch him with a smile, but it’s different now. I don’t know how anyone keeps from smiling once they’ve found their opener. I think I might just smile for the rest of my life; that is until I remember Mia. I sigh and lay down, too, rolling so my back is facing Benji’s and eventually, I manage to fall asleep.


	3. Bookverse - Simon Spier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a retelling of Simon vs. the Homo-Sapiens Agenda, but with this soulmates AU added.

No one in my family wears a band-aid. No one except me, that is. I’ve worn one since my twelfth birthday. Religiously. It’s a wonder no one’s figure out the real reason yet. My mom asked me as soon as she saw it and I just shrugged. Everything is such a big deal in our family, especially this. I told her I didn’t want to accidentally find anyone. I wanted whatever connection I found to be genuine and she just shook her head. I don’t think she believed me, but I’ve told her the same story every time she’s asked.

My parents were high school sweethearts and they touched each other’s dots out of curiosity one day and they both opened, because of course they did. Alice says wearing band-aids is anti-feminist; at least when women do. I think it’s because of those religions that say you can't check until you’re married and then only if the husband prompts it. There’s some eighty-year-olds in this world that have been married for sixty years and still don’t know if they’re with their match or not. Nora just doesn’t care. She says a band-aid would be too much work and who cares if she accidentally finds her soulmate or whatever, I guess.

No, I wear a band-aid because I know I’m gay, but no one else does. I don’t want to be walking down the hallways of Creekwood only to have some asshole jock accidentally touch my dot and it open. That’s too much to think about, so I keep it covered. It’s the one thing that I find most interesting about Blue, too. He wears a band-aid for the same reason and you’d think that would help me figure out who he is, but it really hasn’t. This is the south, so there’s a decent number of kids that wear band-aids for both religious and personal reasons. And most people that wear them, I have no idea why they do.

The only people I really know about are the ones that sit at my lunch table, and that’s not even because of anything I did. It’s because of Abby. Abby’s kind of my favorite person, or one of them at least. She’s new here, but it feels like I’ve known her forever. The first day she sat with us at lunch, after we were all done eating, she just flipped her wrist over to reveal her dot and said, “So, what’s everyone’s story?” And everyone actually answered her. Abby has this way of making people talk; even if they wouldn’t usually.

I told her that I wear band-aid because I don’t want to accidentally find some. The same story I’ve given everyone since I turned twelve. But Abby seemed to actually believe it.

Leah still has her dot, but doesn’t wear a band-aid. She hasn’t let anyone touch it tough, because Leah doesn’t date. Though, I’m pretty sure I see Garrett’s interest pique at this revelation. Anna and Morgan both still have theirs, too, but they’ve tried. I actually touched Anna’s when we dated freshman year. I knew it wouldn’t do anything, obviously, but she asked me to, so I did. And just like with Carys, things fizzled out after that. That’s why I agreed to touch their dots. It was an easy out.

Nick doesn’t wear a band-aid and has his dot. He’s tried _desperately_. He tricked Amy Everett into touching it freshman year and it was like he lost a piece of him when nothing happened. Garrett’s had similar luck apparently.

And then there’s Cute Bram Greenfeld. He wears a band-aid, too. The only other one at our lunch table who does. “My parents are religious. I wouldn’t care, but I know they would, so I wear it,” he’d said. And then Garrett gave him a look that said he knew that wasn’t the truth, but no one else seemed to notice, so I didn’t say anything either. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s the most words I’ve ever heard him speak at one time. Maybe at all. Bram is _so quiet_ , like almost silent. I don’t understand how he’s friends with Garrett other than maybe Garrett just does enough talking for the both of them?

***

When Alice comes home for Christmas, I notice that she's acting really strange. She’s very much trying to hide her wrist and I don’t understand how I’m the only person that notices. I try to see her wrist the entire time and eventually catch a glance. Her dot appears to still be intact, so I have no idea what she’s on about.

And then the whole Martin Addison outing me to the universe because Abby won’t let him touch her dot thing happens and I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I tell my parents and my sisters the real reason I’ve been wearing a band-aid for the past five years in the living room after we open presents on Christmas morning. And my mom makes it a huge deal and my dad tries to make a joke and Alice and Nora are just staring at me.

That afternoon, I’m talking to Alice on my bed and I ask her about the phone call the day before and about the boyfriend and she turns her wrist over, licks her left index finger and rubs. Alice’s dot is open. It’s a circle with a thin border. Alice found her match and I don’t know what to think, so I ask her why she hasn’t told Mom and Dad and she says she’s going to, but they’re going to make it a big deal, which I can’t deny that truth, but also it kind of _is_ a big deal.

When she leaves, I email Blue and I tell him that due to some mysterious circumstances I’m about to be out to the entire universe. And I tell him that I’m not going to wear a band-aid anymore. I mean, he’s probably already seen the post if he’s anything like most kids at Creekwood. Creek Secrets is a lifestyle. I guess I just hope he responds, at all, because maybe he won’t now that he knows it’s me. Three-and-a-half hours later, however, he _does_ respond and I feel better. But maybe he just hasn’t seen Martin’s post yet.

On New Year’s Eve, I officially come out to my friends. I mean, Abby already knew, but Nick and Leah didn’t. And Abby tells them how she awkwardly held my hand after I told her and then Leah freaks out that Abby knew first. And I don’t tell them about Martin, because no one needs to know that story, especially not Abby and Nick. Then I spend the rest of the break emailing Blue.

And then, on the first day back to school, these football players I hardly recognize accost me as I’m just trying to get to English. They grab my wrist and feign disappointment when my dot doesn’t change. I groan and try to push past them. Then in English, Martin won’t look at me and after English, Abby and Leah act like a couple of guard dogs the rest of the day. Abby actually offers me a band-aid at one point, to make sure no one else can do what the football players did, but I tell her no. I told Blue I wasn’t wearing one anymore, I don’t want to go back on that now.

At lunch, the four girls of our table spend the entire period debating which boy in our school would be the best boyfriend for me. And I just sort of want to die, because I already know that answer. I just don’t know who Blue actually is. Leah storms away when Abby suggests finding her a boyfriend and Garrett exchanges looks with Bram and I call them out because I’m tired of this shit, honestly.

Then there’s play practice and all that happens there. And then I’m watching soccer tryouts with Abby. And then I’m embarrassing myself and blushing at Cute Bram Greenfeld. Then I feel guilty because of Blue, but Blue’s not my boyfriend, not officially anyway, but it feels like he is.

That night I email Blue again and just after ten, he emails me back and I know that he knows who I am and it scares me, but I’m also ready. So, I respond and I guess. I guess that he’s Cal without saying Cal’s name and I’m wrong. I’m monumentally wrong and I’m a monumental idiot and now Blue hates me because I thought he was someone he isn’t. Because I was using simon-logic. But he’s right about me, of course, even if he says he didn’t see the Tumblr post.

Then Cal comes out at play practice and I don’t even care, because he’s not Blue. I completely forget about Cal, until English the next morning when Abby’s telling Nick and they won’t believe that its nothing. Garrett and Bram are on the couch, too, listening, but saying nothing and I swear Garrett is giving Bram looks every couple seconds, but who knows what that means. His parents are religious, right? So, maybe he doesn’t like me anymore because I’m gay and whatever. It’s not like I actually talked to Cute Bram that often and he talked to me even less.

On Friday, I email Blue again, even though he hasn’t responded. And Saturday afternoon, he does respond and I’m so thoroughly confused that I have no idea what’s happening. I spend the entirely of Sunday, listening to music too loud and I don’t even know, but when I get to school on Monday, there’s a grocery bag looped through the handles of my locker and inside is a t-shit. It’s an Elliott Smith shirt and there’s a note written on blue-green construction paper and even though it’s not signed, I know exactly who this is from. For a minute I wonder if the second-hand residue of his fingers on the paper would make my dot react, so I try and then I laugh at myself. I’m so intensely sure that when I finally meet Blue he’s going to be my match that I’m completely losing my mind.

But then I’m just angry. Because he’ll leave me a shirt hanging on my locker, but he won’t tell me who he is and he hasn’t even responded to my email and I’m just angry. Even when Cal stops and smiles at me in rehearsal, I’m angry. I don’t want anyone if it’s not Blue and that shouldn’t be true, but it is. I’ve been so confident for so long that Blue is going to be the one to open my dot, I’m half tempted to just put a band-aid back on, because honestly, if someone else touches it and it even partially opens, I’m just going to be mad all over again.

On Friday, we have to do the play for the rest of the students. We do it twice. Freshmen (and the seniors who decide to show up) in the morning; then sophomores and juniors in the afternoon. Abby does my make up and the morning show goes half-decently, but as we’re walking to lunch Abby comments on the band-aid I’m wearing again. “What’s with that? I thought you weren’t going to wear one anymore.”

I shrug. “It’s kind of a long story.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Wait. Did it open!?!”

I laugh. “No.” She makes a face like she doesn’t believe me, so I peel back the band-aid to reveal my still fully-formed black dot. “No,” I say again and then I push the band-aid back down.

“So why are you wearing it?”

“Like I said, it’s a long story.” I’m kind of worried she’s never going to let it go, but then we’re in the cafeteria and the whole table is gawking over my make-up. Even Cute Bram is staring and I guess that’s something. Maybe he doesn’t hate me after all. But after lunch, all hell breaks loose because some idiots decide to alter the cast list and Ms. Albright lays down the law before we can even start the show.

I’m in the dressing room after the show, and it dawns on me that maybe Blue was just a joke. Maybe it was part of a master plan. Maybe Blue isn’t real at all. Maybe Blue is Martin. And it’s like the whole world shatters around me as I’m washing my face. But a few minutes later, Abby runs over to me. She’s already back in her skinny jeans and she tells me to hurry up because she and Nick are apparently ‘taking [me] out tonight’ whatever that means. I almost laugh when she says I’ve had a weird day, because she doesn’t know the half of it. She doesn’t stop talking the whole way out into the parking lot.

I drive home, pack a bag, and tell my parents I’m spending the night at Abby's, being very careful not to mention the fact that her mom is in DC or that we’re ‘going out’ before we go to the Susos’ apartment. And somehow after an adventure to Zesto and Junkman’s Daughter, we end up at a gay bar called Webster’s in Midtown. And then there’s a cute college boy buying me drinks and for once, maybe I’m not even thinking about Blue.

I don’t realize I’m drunk until I’m too far gone to care and when we’re back in Abby’s car I realize I forgot Blue’s shirt and I can’t sleep without Blue’s shirt, but they don’t understand and I can’t really explain because that would mean telling Nick and Abby about Blue and I can’t do that. I don’t even know Blue and I’ve spent the whole night trying not to think about him, but now I can’t get him out of my head.

I walk into my house and then I don’t walk back out because my parents know I’m drunk and they take my phone and my laptop has to live in the living room for a week and I honestly don’t even care. Why would I? It’s not like Blue wants to talk to me anyway, so why do I even need my laptop or my phone? Then on Tuesday when we finally get back to school, Abby’s waiting at my locker and when Nick joins us they're holding hands and I guess some things actually do work themselves out in the end. I’m about to ask about their dots, but I think better of it. They’d tell me, right?

We’re walking to English and Abby and Nick are in front of me. Abby’s left hand is in Nick’s right hand and their wrists are a millimeter apart and then they touch and neither of them say anything, but I gasp. Nick sort of smirks at me over his shoulder, and I raise an eyebrow. He chuckles and nudges Abby with their conjoined hands. She lifts her right hand over her shoulder so the inside of her wrist is facing me. There’s a little void in the middle of Abby’s dot and I gasp again and they both laugh. “Seconds,” I say quietly and Nick smirks over his shoulder again as we walk into Mr. Wise’s room.

Garrett and Cute Bram are already on the couch and Garrett calls out to Nick as we walk in. I stare after Nick and Abby as I go to sit down at a desk. I swear Bram is watching me and I swear he looks upset; like I’ve hurt him in some way I don’t understand, but I try to ignore it. There’s enough going on in my world; I don’t need to add another person being inexplicably angry at me to the mix.

In French, Abby tells me the story from Friday. About how she and Nick were talking and then how he asked if he could touch her dot and she let him and then she touched his, too, and they both opened, but not completely. I guess Nick was a little disappointed at first, but then Abby reminded him that her parents are only seconds and they’ve never regretted the decision.

It isn’t until Lunch that I realize, Leah wasn’t in English or French, but there’s still two sheet cakes, one for Morgan and one for Bram, on the table. I’m about to go for my phone to text Leah. It’s not like her to miss school. When I remember I don’t have my phone, I ask Anna instead and she tells me Leah’s at school which is just confusing.

I don’t see Leah all afternoon or at all on Wednesday, but her car’s in the parking lot when we’re leaving rehearsal at seven and it worries me. On Thursday, she finally appears. I’m walking toward the auditorium for rehearsal after school when I see her walk out the girls’ bathroom near the atrium and run to attack her with a hug. She stiffens entirely. I know she doesn’t like hugs, but this is new. She just fixes her shirt and stares daggers at me when I finally release her and I guess she’s mad about Friday and it sounds like she doesn’t even know about the dots yet, or maybe the dots just aren’t her problem.

My parents come into my room and have this awkward-ass conversation with me on Thursday night, but then I get my phone back so it’s not all bad. And Friday, as we’re getting ready for opening night, Abby is acting weird and then she tells me she talked to Martin and everything sort of crashes in again. _Oliver!_ goes off without a hitch and my parents have a massive bouquet of flowers even though I didn’t have a single line. Then we’re home and I finally take my laptop into my bedroom and try to figure out what on earth is happening in my life. Out of pure habit, I log into my Jacques email and that’s when it clicks. The time-stamps. Blue isn’t anyone in drama club. Half his emails were sent during rehearsal. So, it’s not Martin and it’s not a joke. It’s also not Cal, but I’ve known that. It’s just a completely random junior at Creekwood.

I’ve never deleted a single email from Blue nor one that I sent him, so I scroll all the way back to August and I read every single one. Start-to-finish; subject lines; and every single post script, and I honestly think I’m in love. I’m not even mad at him anymore.

On Sunday morning, I send him an email. I lay everything out there. I put it all in words and then I ask him to meet me at the carnival. I don’t know if he’ll come. I don’t know if he’ll even check the email, but I ask him to, because I have to meet him. I have to know him. I have to know. I’m so abundantly sure that Blue, whoever he is will touch my dot and then I’ll have a silly little circle just like Alice’s and my parents’. Not just a bold circle like Nick and Abby either; I’m like a hundred percent positive this boy is going to actually open my dot the whole freakin’ way. I don’t know if I’ll ask him to do that tonight, though, even if he does come. I just have to know who he is.

We strike the set and then at six, I race home to change, because if there was ever a time to finally wear that shirt; it was now. When I pull it on, it fits perfectly, but that’s also when I realize I’m even more of a monumental idiot than I already knew. There’s another piece of blue-green construction paper taped to the inside of the shirt and I pull it out.

> _P.S. I love the way you smile like you don’t realize you’re doing it. I love your perpetual bed head. I love the way you hold eye contact a moment longer than you need to. And I love your moon-gray eyes. So if you think I’m not attracted to you, Simon, you’re crazy._

Underneath there’s a phone number and I realize I could type it into my phone and press send and know within a few second who Blue is. I could know. I could have known two weeks ago. I read it a dozen times before I remember what I was doing. I pull on a jacket over the t-shirt and drive to the mall as quickly as I can. Forgetting entirely that there’s still a band-aid on my wrist.

***

It’s nearly nine o’clock when I hand the operator my very last ticket and walk onto the tilt-a-whirl. Obviously, it’s the last place I’ll find the easily nauseated Blue, so that’s why I saved it for my last ticket. I’m sitting in the pod, tightening the seatbelt as much as I can when someone else slides in. I look up to find Cute Bram Greenfeld and I just sort of tilt my head at him.

“Can I sit here?” he asks. I undo the seatbelt and smile at him because it’s impossible not to. He says he likes my shirt and I tell him it’s Elliott Smith. He’s smiling me and looks like he’s going to respond, when the operator reaches over us and pulls the guardrail down. “I know,” he says and it’s so quiet that it almost hurts.

I turn to him and I stare, mouth open; he stares back and we’re quiet for a moment until I manage to say. “It’s you.”

“I know, I’m late,” he responds and there’s not more time for conversation because the ride whirls to life in the next second. Bram closes his eyes and clenches is jaw as he cups his hands over his nose and mouth. I try to stop the pod from spinning, but it’s really no use. Eventually, the ride ends and Bram doesn’t vomit. “Sorry,” he says. It sounds like he’s in pain or something and it sort of hurts my soul.

I ask if he’s okay and he says he will be, so we get up and move to the exit. The closest place to sit is a curb, so that’s where we go. He sits down and puts his head between his knees and I sit down next to him. He tells me he just got my email and that he thought he was going to miss me. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I didn’t know it was him and I just watch him carefully until he looks at me. He tells me he thinks he wanted me to know, so I ask why he didn’t just tell me.

And there’s this weird yank below my navel like something within me is actually trying to get me to move. And it’s weird because we’re sitting so close. His right hand; his right wrist; his band-aid covered dot is only an inch from my left hand. I flex my right hand nervously. Then, at some point Bram tells me he knew it was me for a long time, but he thought he was only seeing what he wanted to see and _oh_.

“And I can’t believe you rode the Tilt-A-Whirl for me.”

“I must really like you.”

I swallow hard, my heart is in my throat as I lean toward him. “I want to hold your hand.”

“So hold it,” he says and he lifts his right hand and I can see the band-aid is still there, so this isn’t that scary, or it shouldn’t be. I twine my fingers through his and we smile at each other in silence for a long second. The carnival is completely shut down by the time I look up again and I almost laugh.

“I guess we should probably go before they kick us out,” I say even though I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave. I never want to let go of his hand.

“Yeah, probably,” he says, but he doesn’t try to stand and he doesn’t let go of my hand.

***

I decide to keep a band-aid on when I’m getting ready for school on Monday morning because I don’t know if Bram’s ready for that or really if I am either. When I get to English, Garrett and Bram are already on the sofa and instead of waiting for Nick to take the last seat like I usually would, I walk over to to them. “Hi, hi,” I say and I smile at Bram and he smiles back as he moves closer to Garrett to make room for me on the end. Garrett compliments me on the play and then tells me Bram made him go all three times and I sort of laugh as I grin at him. He grins back. I can’t think of anything witty to say, so I ask if he finished the chapter and, of course, he did. I didn’t but that doesn’t matter, because when Mr. Wise walks in he starts reading aloud.

I keep losing my place as I try to follow along because honestly, Bram is _right there_ and who could focus on _The Awakening_ with Cute Bram Greenfeld sat literally next to you, so close your shoulders and thighs are touching. I end up leaning over to look at Bram’s book instead and he leans closer to me and shifts a little so I can see better. I don’t know if he tries it or not, but at one point he straightens his leg and pushes his knee against mine, and I can’t help but stare. There’s a patch of exposed skin where his jeans are fraying and it’s too distracting to think about paying attention to Mr. Wise’s droning voice.

Abby accosts me after class and I manage to fend her off all through French. Right before lunch, Bram arrives at my locker and I can’t help but smile. He decides we should go off-campus for lunch even though we’re technically not allowed, so we do. He drives us to Publix and then we run through the pouring rain back to his car to eat our oreo mush, except we don’t even open the oreos at first because we’re too busy kissing. Once we do, open the oreos, they’re delicious and perfect and we’re holding hands again; my left in his right; band-aids still firmly in place.

“So what now?” I ask eventually.

“We should probably go back to school.”

“No. I mean, us. I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if you’re ready to be out.”

He turns our hands over so his palm is face up and then he loosens his grip on my fingers. I watch him carefully. His left hand comes across his body and gently shifts my palm in his and then he peels off his band-aid without saying anything. There’s a perfect little black dot underneath; undisturbed. I pull my hand away, scared I might accidentally touch it. He looks up at me and smiles a little. “I’m all in, if you are.”

“All in?” I say. “Like what? Like boyfriend?”

“I mean, yeah. If that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want,” I say. “And…” I don’t finish my thought though. I set my cup of oreos on the floor of his car and then I flip my right palm up on my left knee and peel back the band-aid. “Are we actually doing this right now?” I say because I kind of can’t believe it.

“If you want to,” he says. “I’m not scared anymore. I know what’s going to happen.”

“Yeah, me, too,” I say. Then I lift my left hand and start to reach for his dot and he does the same. And there’s sort of this tangle of arms in the middle of the front seat, but it doesn’t matter because a few seconds later I feel my left index finger burning like it’s on fire and a few seconds after that my entire right arm goes numb with an almost electric tingling and we both watch as our dots fade into completely hollow circles. “So,” he says a minute later, looking at me. “That felt weird.”

“It did,” I agree.

“Boyfriend,” he says and a grin the size of Manhattan appears on my face.

“Boyfriend,” I echo.

“I like that.”

“Me, too,” I say and then he links his right hand with my left again and I pick my oreos back up as he pulls out of the parking space and starts driving back toward the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to eventually write an Abby chapter that will include more about the Nick thing en route to her finding her match. I'll also write a Simon chapter in the Movieverse, and possibly Bram chapters for both, because Bram's POV is one of my favorite things and why not tell the story twice. I will definitely write a part two of this with them going back to school and everyone finding out, etc. if anyone wants it at some point.


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